My Dad – Part 2

Prior to my half-sister’s move she felt that it was time to tell my Mom that growing up (she had been with my Dad since she was about 2) until she moved out of his house, that Dad had been molesting her. This understandably upset my Mom. Mom claims she knew nothing about it and wishes that my half-sister would have said something years ago and would not have let her stayed with my Dad (note for another post one day…my half-sister decided later that my Mom did know but I don’t believe it). My mom had gotten a gun that night and was on the way out of the house to see my Dad when my stepdad stopped her.

I struggle with fully believing this. I don’t think my half-sister would lie about it but there are parts of it that I have a hard time believing. When I lived with them, my half-sister and I shared a room and I insisted on our bedroom door being left open with the hallway light on. At first I thought maybe this happened when I was with my grandparents but she said that it would occur with me there. I’m a light sleeper (always have been) and I’m pretty sure I would have noticed if someone entered the room and especially if they shut the door (I would have lost my mind). Could it happen…I suppose but my gut doesn’t fully believe it.

Even though this is a horrible accusation my half-sister continues to have a relationship with my Dad. It never changed how I felt about it. I would see him at my grandparents and it was like it never happened.

A while later my Dad remarried a woman that had 4 kids. He raised her kids (2 boys, 2 girls) but still didn’t involve me…they were all a little younger than me…the oldest maybe 3 years younger. I didn’t like the new wife. She was mean and didn’t seem to care about having a relationship with me or encouraging my Dad to have one.

The thing that got me with my Dad all came to a head when my grandfather passed. Papa passed a little less than a week after my birthday (side note: Dad never acknowledged me on my birthday….no call or card…don’t even know if he remembers when it is). At the funeral home, I was standing outside speaking with my brother’s girlfriend. My Dad came out and stood about 2-3 feet away. We were talking about my birthday and some other stuff. When our conversation was done she went to find my brother and I was just standing there. At no point that entire evening did my Dad acknowledge that I was there. He never said hi, hugged me, said sorry I missed your birthday, happy late birthday, not one thing! He wasn’t distraught over Papa’s passing because he was his step-dad and they were not that close. I’m not sure why he did that but it really hurt.

Years passed before the next time I tried to contact him. I sent him a wedding invitation to my first wedding. He never RSVP’d so I didn’t know if he was even going to show up. He didn’t. I heard a couple of stories of why he didn’t from my brother. One was because I just had Dad’s name on the invitation and not his wife…umm…okay…and the other was that he didn’t have anything to wear. If my Dad had ever gotten to know me he would know that I wouldn’t have cared what he wore as long as he was there. That really hurt.

I have come across him from time to time over the years. My brother lived with me briefly and Dad would come to pick him up from my house. I think he spoke to me once. We always speak like there isn’t anything wrong so I’m not sure what that’s about. I’ve grown to be bitter though. He has had several strokes over the years, per my brother and half-sister. I’m not sure who will let me know when he finally passes and I’m not even sure I will go to the funeral. Sad yes but what would you expect. I have sent him pictures of LB twice a year since she was born and every year a Christmas card. I have never received a word back from him. I guess he doesn’t want to meet his granddaughter. That hurts.

The kicker to the story, he still calls my half-sister every year on Christmas and her birthday. Apparently years back she confronted him about the abuse and according to my half-sister he never fully acknowledged it but did apologize to her for his treatment of her. My brother has contact with him as well. I guess I’m not worthy like my siblings.

LB asked me for the first time if “Papa” was my Dad. I had to tell her the truth. He’s my step-dad and my real Dad she has never met. She doesn’t understand that yet but I’m not going to hide it from her. I want her to see what a great Dad she has and what a great Papa she has. I love my stepdad as if he was my biological Dad and he’s been with me since I was 10. He gave me away at my first wedding and married me for my second. He’s a wonderful man. My biological Dad…well he’s actually just a sperm donor.

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